“The Art of the Appropriate Response”

Although Jack and I share many passions (travel, hiking, grandchildren, good food etc.) we also have our own individual enthusiasms. Over the 20 plus years that we’ve been together, we have both learned quite a lot about the value of an “Appropriate Response.” We decided early on that “Yes, dear” lacked imagination and sincerity and would not be accepted as an “Appropriate Response.”

Jack is wildly enthusiastic about bicycling, and in particular about the Tour de France. Me? Well, if you’ve read this blog even once, you know that I am equally wildly enthusiastic about my garden. I’m quick to recognize that when it comes to making an appropriate response, I have it much, much easier. After all, the gardening season lasts for months whereas the Tour only lasts 23 v…e…r…y. l….o….n….g days.

We both have stock phrases which we have fine tuned over the years. Jack has learned that “You’ve worked so hard!” is almost always a good response to my commenting on my garden. It works for both celebration and commiseration. For example, Me: Bugs ate all my Black-eyed Susans! Jack: Aww, and you’ve worked so hard. Or, Me: I don’t think the peonies have ever looked better. Jack: Wow, and you’ve worked so hard!

My stock response to the Tour is to say, “Wow, they are amazing athletes.” This, too, works in a variety of situations, from time trials to peddling up mountains in a snow storm. However, as I found out, it’s not appropriate for ALL situations, as when Jack was telling me about stupid fans standing on the roadside, endangering the course. “Wow, they’re amazing athletes” was definitely not an “Appropriate Response” to that one.

Basically, we just want to show interest and support for each other. Even if we don’t happen to share these particular interests, we love each other enough to want to be involved. But not too much. The trick is to find a response that is appropriate but that doesn’t provoke the need for further information or explanation. It’s a tricky business, this finding an appropriate response.

I have found though, that spending a few minutes on Google is sometimes a good investment. For example, I could say something such as “Wow, can you believe that Van Aert was 21 SECONDS!!!! ahead of Kasper Asgreen in the time trials??” My hope, of course, is that such a statement would render him absolutely speechless for the rest of the Tour! But, knowing Jack he wouldn’t even blink before launching into the statistics of the last five years of time trials.

Which is okay, because then I could tell him all about the challenges of starting pansies from seed…..they need cool but not cold temperatures, and where can you find that in August? and then, is this really the best time to be starting them if I want plants by fall? They must be easy to start from seed, though, since they are so ubiquitous at the nurseries. Maybe it’s the kind of soil……….

Jack? Jack? Are you still there? What’s that you say? Something about working hard?

Well, thanks. And I think they are amazing athletes!